Believe it or not that is an actual discussion going on.
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A couple of weeks ago I was at Mass and the family directly in front of me - mom, dad, and their young adult boy, were sitting quietly waiting for Mass to begin when a middle aged woman came up and slid into their pew. They were directly in front of me so I couldn't help but notice them. The woman kept rubbing the back of the young man while they all greeted one another, and continued to do so while she spoke to the young man and seemed to praise him to his parents. I have no idea what her relationship was to the family, but what struck me about the scene, was the obvious charity, or affection demonstrated by the woman's caresses. I tried to mind my own business, but I couldn't help being edified by it, and strangely enough, the scene reminded me of the affection one might show a dog, leashed to a fence outside the grocery store - waiting for its owner. I've often seen strangers walk over and talk to the dog, rubbing his back and so on. In neither circumstance would I ever imagine something evil. I would never have suspected the older woman to be a sexual predator, just as I would never suggest that a man rubbing the back of a dog was interested in bestiality.
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I worked with a guy once who wanted to file a complaint about another older female employee who used to rub his shoulder as she walked by and said hello whenever she went to her place in the lunch room. The fellow believed she was coming on to him (She was about 60 years old, while he was most likely in his late 20's). The woman reported to me so I asked her about it. She laughed so hard she got tears in her eyes. She of course explained she is just a touchy feely type of gal and that she was very sorry. I thought the situation was ridiculous, but I had to speak to her about it. The same guy had problems with the owner of the company's very attractive, fashionable daughter who also worked there. He complained that her clothes were too tight - mentioning that women shouldn't wear pants, and therefore she presented a daily occasion of sin for him. He and another male employee speculated after she had been married for a year and she had no children, that she must be contracepting. The two men felt that it was a scandal. Any couple without kids were suspected of contracepting BTW. (I worked for a Catholic company.)
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When I was little I was concerned for my entire family to be saved - because no one went to church, the conversion of my family became the main focus of my prayer. Once my grandfather was in the hospital and I went to see him by myself. He was an artist as well, but he had no time for religion, although he liked to talk about faith. I asked him why he didn't go to church. He told me I was still too young to understand this, but he tried to explain that the reason was due to the fact that all people did was talk about one another afterwards. "Go to church on Sunday, but watch out on Monday." He objected to the gossip and judgemental attitudes he found there: What so and so wore, who was having marital problems, who was a drunk, who was kind of
queer, and so on. He was right of course, but I didn't let it bother me then, and I try not to let it bother me now. I know all too well that it goes on, but I don't go to Mass or adoration or confession for other people and though I say I don't care what they think, I have to admit they really piss me off sometimes. I try to keep my distance however.
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There is a wide discussion online these days about public displays of affection between same sex couples/friends. The woman who more or less initiated the discussion has been unfairly attacked by militant homosexuals, and yet very much praised by Catholic apologists. The other evening while watching the news I viewed a gay military couple kissing - not passionately, just a peck on the lips - to celebrate the repeal od DADT. I too actually find watching two men kiss a bit jarring. I'm not a hugger or a kisser myself, and I sometimes dislike it when old friends want a hug or a kiss from me - even if they are relatives. I think it may have something to do with my weird parents and their drunken, slobbery kisses - not to mention their mothers, my grandmothers were just as bad. I don't think people realize how scary it is for a kid to see this great big clown face coming at you to kiss you on the lips. So gross.
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But I digress. My question is, what constitutes public acts of affection? Rubbing someones back? A hug? Holding hands during the Our Father at Mass. The sign of peace? What about two women dancing, or holding hands as they walk? My in laws are Italian descent, and the girls in the family do that sometimes - their dads kissed their brothers on the lips. There are all sorts of public displays of non-erotic affection - how does one regulate that? Once I was gropped on a Boston subway, I didn't know who did it. I was so offended, and that was obviously bad touching. I had just arrived in Boston when in another situation I passed by two guys walking arm and arm down the street. Yep - I was shocked too - having just arrived from little monastery on the prairie and all. But that was 30 years ago. It has been going on for a long time, hasn't it?
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A couple of doors down from me two women live together. My neighbor told me they were lesbians and she witnessed them making out in their back yard. I always talk to them whenever I'm out front and they are walking their dogs. So I asked them about it. They were totally shocked, looked at one another and said in unison, "What? We would never do that!" The only thing they could figure out is that earlier in the year one of the women had suffered some bad news one day and the other ran out to meet her as she arrived home, giving her a hug in support and then they walked into the house together. One of them just might have had her arm around the other's shoulder.
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So my question here: How do you define and legislate public displays of affection?
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"If we could see each other's thoughts, no one would be considered good." - Saint Stephen of Muret
